Yo, been a minute between blogs. Long-form writing is something I’m going to be trying to do more often, in order to step away from being on social media so much, but still with a desire to share experiences, ideas and knowledge, in the hope it’s of some good to the world. Maybe that’s grandiose, but hey, die trying right?

These days I do a lot of work around boys, men and masculinity. This has evolved out of sexual violence and family violence prevention work and advocacy I’ve been involved in for coming up a decade. The offline work I do increasingly means I talk about these issues on socials, and in turn, I get a lot of people getting in touch asking for where they can get help for men.

Whether that’s a partner who has a drug problem, a son who has a porn problem, a Dad with a mental health issue or a teammate who might be struggling in a relationship, help for boys and men can be hard to find. For men who might be using violence or being emotionally abusive too, it can be difficult to find a place to unlearn and relearn new ways of being. I’m just one dude, and while I know a couple of services, I have no idea where everything is.

So, I outsourced. I asked social media where the help was, and I’ve compiled it here as some sort of resource. I haven’t engaged with all these services, I can’t speak to know their work I’m just putting them all in one place so if you need help, maybe something here is useful. It ended up not being entirely for boys and men, but many of these services are.

0800HeyBro HEYBRO is here to listen and offer support for men who feel they are going to harm a loved one or whānau member.

Big Buddy “Big Buddy finds father figures for boys without Dads.”

Carinche (Melbourne) “Caraniche was formed in Melbourne in 1993 by a group of women committed to making high quality, independent psychological services accessible to disadvantaged and at-risk clients. We began by designing and delivering rehabilitation programs in the prison system. Soon after, we extended our services into the community with the aim of helping people get their lives back in control. Before long, our combination of evidence-based program design and skilled, authentic clinicians was in demand across the community, government and corporate sectors.

Doves Hawkes Bay “DOVE Hawkes Bay celebrates more than 25 years of working to stop, heal and prevent family violence. Working with individuals (men, women and youth) and families; victims and perpetrators; they provide programmes, support and social work to assist people heal from the impact of family violence and develop strategies to have safer, nourishing and enjoyable relationships.”

Family Action (Henderson, Auckland) ”Family Action Family Violence Outreach Service and Refuge supports all people in crisis who are experiencing family violence. Family Action provides a caring and confidential place where you can talk about issues in your relationship and the violence or abuse that you are experience or have experienced. No appointment needed.”

Father’s For Families. (Wiri, Auckland) “A ground-breaking fathers course, peer-support group & fitness programme, for fathers who want to be the best dads they can be.”

Find A Helpline connects you to a range of suicide prevention helplines around the world, depending on where you are.

Great Fathers “If a child has a good enough dad, the child will reach more of their social, emotional, and intellectual potential. If the father is absent, neglectful, or abusive (and no one else fills that gap) – the child is more likely to go off the rails later in life.”

He Waka Tapu (Christchurch) He Waka Tapu has a wide range of programmes and services to help both individuals and hapori. There is a referral process that must be completed before accessing any services.

Let’s Talk Therapy; Micah Visser. “I am a counsellor in Glen Innes, Auckland I work with anyone but have a big focus on men and teenagers over 13. For anyone under the age of 25 I am registered with Gumboot Friday so can offer some free sessions and I always try to accommodate everyone. I do both in person and online sessions. You are welcome to contact me if you want any more information about me and what I do.”

Lighthouse (Southland) “No one feels good about being violent or abusive, about being withdrawn or angry.

No one feels good watching their partner or children living in fear, or acting out the violence they have experienced. But the cycle and the addictions that go with it can be overwhelming. Break the cycles of violence and abuse for you, your family and friends. There is no shame and no excuses. It is about rebuilding relationships. It is about restoring trust and respect.Lighthouse Southland works with men, women and young people by providing education, counselling and support. Contact Lighthouse Southland now to join a programme or service that best suit your needs.”

Mac Strong Mentors “At MacStrong Mentors, we are strong believers in the ability of our tamariki to succeed. Our programs and activities are designed to help our tamariki reach their goals and fulfill their highest potential. We aim to produce positive outcomes for the children involved, their whanau and the communities they live in. We are proud of all our tamariki, and love watching them grow into bright-minded and confident individuals.”

Mana Tāne (Nelson) “We support whānau who have been effected by trauma. We have a program for Wāhine and a mentoring program for Tāne.”

Maka Leadership Programme "To empower young people to become positive members of their community through the use of Muay Thai and Education.”
Man Alive “Our goal is to actively promote positive manhood and strong relationships through a range of integrated services. Man Alive runs life-changing Te Ara Taumata Ora courses that will help you understand why you get angry and how to deal with your feelings before they explode into anger. That way, you’ll feel in control and you wont harm others. You’ll feel good about yourself.”

Man Kind Project “The Mankind Project New Zealand works with men and families to build and support the emotionally mature, accountable, and compassionate male role models that our communities so desperately need.”

Men Being Real. “Men Being Real is for any man who knows he could get more out of life. Whether your life is working well or you have some things to sort out, you will find this weekend workshop a powerful journey of personal discovery. It provides help and growth for men of all ages – for younger men making their way in the world, midlife men in transition, and older men moving to the next stage of their life.”

Mirror Services (Otago) “Mirror Services is an Otago based organisation that delivers counselling and treatment programmes for children, young people and their whānau in the Otago/Southland region.

Oasis NZ. “Oasis is a youth organization based in Auckland, NZ. Our mission is to provide a safe, fun, loving, nurturing environment for young people.. To empower rangatahi whilst also learning new and exciting life skills and attributes to lead a positive healthy life. We hold youth development camps every school holidays so keep an eye out - spots are limited. If you wish to support in any way shape or form please don't hesitate to get in touch with us.”

Rites of Passage Foundation. “The Rites of Passage Foundation run rites of passage for girls called Tides and for boys called Tracks, three times a year during the school holidays. Twice a year, we run weekend residentials for women (Tides Training) and men (Good Men Make Tracks) with an interest in rites of passage, transition & life's stages.”

Self Seen (Port Macquarie) “Founded in 2020, with the ambition of creating hope in our community.
We want to change the very present mental health stigma and the way community, friends and family support each other. Self Seen is a support network for our men and women within the community. We help men & women through their personal battles with mental health by creating connection and encouraging vulnerability in safe spaces. Helping individuals understand the reasons behind behaviours and addictions, releasing stories and trauma they have been carrying in their lives, helping them step back into healthy self-regulation and empowerment.”

Tauawhi Men’s Centre “Our key services are Counselling and Social Work, and we run several non violence, parenting and youth programmes, but we also provide information and advice where required.”

Te- Paepae Arahi (Lower Hutt) “Te Paepae Arahi is Te Awakairangi/Hutt Valley's community support Service specialising in supporting whānau and individual needs through building positive connections, including specialist AOD support, kaupapa Māori mental health and addiction, primary mental health support and emergency housing.”

Tupu Services. Tupu is a team of Pacific Island practitioners who support Pacific people and their aiga/fanau/magafaoa who have alcohol and/or other drugs and/or gambling issues, problems or questions. We offer a range of free support services delivered in a culturally relevant way.

This is far from an exhaustive list, but I hope it helps someone out there.